WARNING: This post contains some content you may find too adult.
Ladies, you won’t understand this, but you must accept it as fact: men’s restrooms are fundamentally different than women’s restrooms. You see, I have a three year old and a two year old, both girls. It isn’t that I don’t want my daughters to be potty trained, it isn’t that I think my wife should do everything all the time, it isn’t that I don’t want to deal with wiping butts – it is one thing, a bunch of one things. Jovi (my oldest child) got serious about potty training a little more than a year ago (between two-and-a-half and three). Why don’t I want to be the one taking her to the restroom at the mall, the grocery store, or almost any public restroom? Penises.
When children reach potty training age (and for the next couple of years) they are at the exact right (WRONG) height – crotch height. Their little, innocent eyes are wide open to see every disgusting aspect of what is a men’s restroom. There are three types of men’s restrooms:
A Single Person men’s restroom isn’t too bad, as long as you bring your own cleaning supplies. Unless you are the first person in the restroom after it was cleaned (and sometimes even then) it will be dirty, pee on the seat, the outside of the bowl, the floor around the commode – sometimes more than pee… I don’t know why, bad aim does not discriminate based on age, but too often these messes go beyond that. You can wipe the seat off with a wipe, then put down a sanitary napkin, and when she pulls down her pants/shorts/skirt her panties will rub against the outside of the bowl, WHICH IS GROSS!
A Multi-Person empty is the same way TIMES TEN, with the added risk of someone walking in while you’re in there AND a urinal is usually present. What’s the big deal about urinals? Kids like to touch things, they are even more dirty than a commode – but smell better because of those “cakes” (not that kind of cake Jaspyn, keep moving), and if a guy starts using one he will be standing there, penis in hand, while you march the most important thing on this planet past him – and guess what: a lot of guys don’t care who sees their penis. Ya, those weirdos assume that if someone looks it’s because they want to see it, not because THEY’RE THREE YEARS OLD AND DON’T KNOW ANY BETTER, so use your hands to cover-up your man-parts while I try to cover my child’s eyes or carry her while dealing with a diaper bag, another child if I’m with both kids by myself, and any bags or boxes we acquired while out and about.
And a Multi-Person Busy is pretty much a nightmare. There are people actively getting the place dirtier, with their penises out, and sometimes (it seems like all the time) I have to wait for a stall to open up – which involves keeping her distracted from looking at other people, asking for quarters for the “balloon dispenser” at some gas stations, and not losing our place in line. Then when one opens up I have to usher her past the urinals, clean the stall, usher back, wash our hands, and leave – all while not letting her see anything below the waist of the strangers who are too busy with their penises to think about their penises – read it again, it doesn’t make sense. The only people who seem to consistently react to a young girl in their restroom with extra discretion are preteen boys.
Oh, and changing diapers isn’t any better…