Phrases I Didn’t Understand

When I was younger I would hear things and repeat them without knowing what they meant.  Two of my favorites were “No offense” and “Not if I see you first”.

No Offense
I don’t know where I learned this one, but I used it a lot.  See, the problem started when I used it correctly.  I said it at the right time, in an appropriate way, and then people laughed, because this little kid made a joke that was above his level.  This meant that anytime I said something to someone I thought I should add “no offense” after it and they would find it funny.  I have a pretty distinct memory of us (Weston, my mom, and I) in her 4Runner talking, and I was giving a running commentary on their conversation.  I was told not to interrupt, so I talked more, directly to them, adding “no offense” to the end of every sentence.  This was VERY annoying to my sibling especially.  So my mom explained the meaning of the phrase to me.  I said it much less after that.

Not if I See You First
This one is more embarrassing, because I was in middle school and should have understood this phrase.  I learned it from Seinfeld.  Since I knew it was a funny joke (when was Seinfeld not funny?) I figured I could pull it out anytime.  Just so you know, you can’t.  Whenever someone would see “See you later” I’d respond with “Not if I see you first”.  Ya… pretty rude.  This went on until I said it to my dad.

So, any embarrassing things you used to say?